I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
