OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
