you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
