Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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