my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
