There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
