You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
