I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
