I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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