I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You may now shotgun with the bride
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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