True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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