He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
