It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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