Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
