I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
