no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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