My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
