He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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