I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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