i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
