you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
