Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found puke in my bra..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
