So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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