guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Where did you get a picture of my penis
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
