i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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