You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
