afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I touched a dick in church today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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