drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
