i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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