At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
