Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
