it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
