If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
