It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
