Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I looked at my own cervix.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
