Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
