DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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