HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
