shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
