I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
