Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
