Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
