They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
