Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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