im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
