im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
