remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
