Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
