They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
