ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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