some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
