btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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